I’ll have known Jesus for a decade this year and I’ve been so encouraged that over the time I’ve been a Christian more evangelical churches are preaching and teaching into the area of sexuality. But I also know that speaking on sexuality is challenging, it comes at a cost and the church has too often chosen to be silent. We created Relationships Matter to help the church start these conversations about sexuality. I'm passionate about this as it’s not just a theological issue to me – it’s deeply personal.
I grew up in an atheist household and same-sex attraction is part of my story. I came out as a teenager and dated women. In my second year of drama school, I started to explore faith and ended up giving my life to Jesus. As I read the Bible, I experienced something I couldn’t explain at the time: I just knew that the way I had been living wasn’t in line with the life I’d just found in Christ. I would now describe this as conviction of sin, and this conviction wasn’t limited to sex and relationships but included every part of my life. It was a comprehensive invitation from God – lay your life down to follow me.
"I'm passionate about this as it’s not just a theological issue to me – it’s deeply personal."
Soon after I’d made the decision to follow Jesus I was invited to church by a student who knew nothing about my life – she had been praying about who to invite to church and my face popped into her mind. She had no idea what my life had looked like before Christ, and she had no idea that I’d just become a Christian. The church was amazing, but the conversation about sexuality just didn’t happen. I didn’t feel able to share that part of my life because it wasn’t a topic that was spoken about. I’d never heard of anyone who had the same experience of attraction as me. I was convinced theologically of a biblical vision for sexuality, but I didn’t feel like I could process and be honest about the reality of my experience with anyone.
Over the past five years, God has brought me into increased freedom in talking about sexuality, and organisations like Living Out have been so helpful for this. I remember watching some of their story videos, amazed that other people were like me and that they experienced a freedom in sharing that I didn’t at the time. Thankfully, God has broken the chains of shame in my life, and I do now speak and share on sexuality and my story regularly. Every time I speak publicly on the topic sexuality, women come up to me and express that they’ve never heard a biblical vision for sexuality or that they too experience same-sex attraction but have never told anyone. Sometimes these are women who have been in church for more than 20 years.
"Our churches should be places where all people are able to share their sin and struggle with others, where people can learn how to apply scripture to the whole of their lives and where we tell the fullness of the God story."
The Christian sexual ethic has always been countercultural. Like our brothers and sisters throughout church history, we will face opposition for what we believe, but the threat of opposition, of being disliked, doesn’t mean that we should stay silent.
Speaking into these topics might at times be awkward, it will be costly, and it can be uncomfortable, but it is worth it. Because the Christian sexual ethic isn’t just counter cultural; it’s good, it’s beautiful, and it’s God’s design for human flourishing. Our churches should be places where all people are able to share their sin and struggle with others, where people can learn how to apply scripture to the whole of their lives and where we tell the fullness of the God story.
I’m so grateful that many evangelical churches do speak into the area of sexuality publicly, for the space that they are creating for Christians who experience same-sex attraction to share their experiences and work out what it means to faithfully follow Jesus.
We know it can be challenging to start these conversations, so we would love to help you. We’ve created a seven-part small group video resource and study guide called Relationships Matter. It looks at the cultural stories that shape our understanding of sex and relationships and digs into why the God story really does tell a better story for sexuality. I truly believe it can help start or continue a positive conversation about sex and sexuality in your church.
Relationships Matter: Course
Check out our seven-part course on the Bible, sexuality and same-sex relationships. Ideal for small groups and churches. Find out more
